“Take My Photo”: Conversations with a Yakherder in Langtang

I walked out of Pemba’s house and made my way toward the mani walls dividing the dirt path of Mundu Village.  I was thinking about these walls, looking at the mani stones, wondering whose hands had carved the intricate Tibetan letters hundreds of years ago.  Wondering whose hands had placed these stones in the current structure of the wall after the earthquake had knocked them down.

“Chori!” [“Daughter!”]¹

I looked up.  I knew the word had been directed at me because the speaker was communicating in the Nepali language.  The Langtangpas speak to each other in a language closely related to the dialect of Tibetan spoken in Kyirong, belying the community’s ancestral origins from Tibet.  Prior to the opening of Nepal’s borders to outsiders in 1951 and the creation of the Langtang National Park in 1976, ‘non-Langtangpas’ rarely entered the Langtang Valley, lending legitimacy to the reference of the Langtang Valley as a ‘beyul’.  ‘Beyul’ is a Tibetan term that can be understood in terms of ‘sacred geography’ and ‘a place of refuge’ in the form of ‘hidden valleys’ within the Himalayan mountains.  In these ‘hidden valleys’, it was believed to be possible to replicate “an ideal model of Tibetan political organization . . . when facing the threat of social disintegration (Lim 33).”

Thus, the inhabitants of the Langtang Valley perceive themselves and their homeland as sacred–a concept contradictory to the circumstances that the Langtangpas have been facing following the creation of the Langtang National Park.  These circumstances, largely out of the control of the Langtangpas themselves, have caused a sharp transition in livelihood from the traditional reliance on subsistence agriculture, animal husbandry, and trading systems, into a reliance on the tourism industry subjecting the Langtangpas to larger surveillance and regulation by the Nepalese state.

“Chori, mero photo kichdinu!” [“Daughter, take my photo!”]

I smiled at the man’s request.  Placing my backpack on the ground and taking out my camera, I looked at the face of the man, Wang, referring to me as daughter.  We had not spoken before, and so I asked him where he lived within the valley.  He informed me that he is a yakherder, living a lifestyle that ties him to the schedule of his cattle.  Wang said he cannot leave his animals and so he cannot travel to Kathmandu or even to Dunche—a town further down the mountain within the same district.  He requested me again to take his photo and to bring it back once I return again to Langtang.

 “Hus Ba,”[Okay, Ba²,”] I laughed.  “Huncha, ma tapaiko photo kichdinchu ani pachi lederaunchu,..” [Okay, I will take your photo and later I will bring it back to you..”] I replied.

I wondered to myself how many people had taken his photo before with no intention of giving him a copy, no ability to ask permission in a language that Wang would be able to reply to.  I looked through the camera, pointing it in his direction.

“Ek chin, Chori!” [“Just a minute, Daughter!”] he exclaimed.

I pulled the camera down from my face and watched as he straightened his jacket over his shirt and placed the plastic tube that he had been using as a walking stick on the ground.  I thought again about the countless times that tourists must have photographed Wang and others like him in Langtang.  These innocent intentions to capture the ‘traditional lifestyle’ of the locals now seemed like stolen images.  I waited with the camera at my side.

“La. Kichdinu, Chori.”[“Okay, take the photo, daughter.”]

I smiled and pointed the camera at him once again.  He stood stiffly on the dirt path, looking in my direction.

“La, Chori.  Pachi lederaunu.  Tapai ramro mancha.  La, bye Chori.” [“Okay, Daughter. Bring it back with you later.  You are a good person.  Okay, bye, Daughter.”]

The photo that I took of Wang per his request.

Upon returning to Langtang a few weeks later:

The clouds hung low as I walked from Mundu Village to Kyanjin Gumba—the final ‘formal village’ of the Langtang Valley.  Drops of rain were slowly falling from the sky.  I found my umbrella, and made my way from the large hotels of Kyanjin Gumba to the goths located about 30 minutes away.  A goth is a temporary ‘herding hut’ that the yakherders live in while their yaks and other cattle graze that area.  In the past, specifically prior to the influx of the tourism industry, Langtangpas supplemented their agriculture and animal husbandry practices with trade, creating a network between southern Tibet and central Nepal.  Francis Lim writes, “Owning a large herd of crossbreeds used to be considered a source of prestige for the Langtangpa, but villagers these days view running a hotel business as the means to a better life and social status.  This shift in status symbolism and aspiration is the direct result of the arrival of trekking tourism in the area (74).”

A yakherder that stays near to Wang’s goth doing the evening milking.

In addition to the creation of the National Park, the Nepalese government also started a Cheese Factory in the valley, further bringing the Langtangpas into contact with outsiders.  Tom Cox wrote in 1985 that “the cheese factory has been partially responsible for bringing the Langtang people more into the cultural, political and economic mainstream of Nepal (68).”  The Cheese Factory altered trading systems that were in place and put the Langtangpas in contact with the Nepali language and Nepali education system.  Cox writes about these factors as helping to “undermine the traditional Tibetan culture of Langtang (68).”  Nowadays, the Langtangpas , like Wang, who continue the yakherding tradition are much fewer, a phenomenon that reflects the transition of power to the hotel business and tourism industry.

Langtangpa workers in the newly rebuilt Cheese Factory in Kyanjin Gumba.  The original Cheese Factory was destroyed in the 2015 earthquakes.

I could see two of these temporary houses in the distance as I made my way further from the tourist hub of Kyanjin Gumba.  As I gripped the photo in my hand, I wondered if I would be able to find Wang.  It had been almost a month and I wasn’t sure where he was staying at the time.  As I got closer, I saw a man’s head appear from the structure.  I recognized the smile even from a distance.

“Chori, tapaile aunubhayo!” [“Daughter, you came!”]

Looking at the printed photo with Wang outside of his goth.  Photo by Austin Lord.

“Tashi Delek, Ba!”  I greeted him with the appropriate Tibetan greeting, smiled and handed him the photo I had taken a few weeks ago.  He spoke to me as if he had been expecting me to show up.  After a few minutes of examining the photo together, he brought it inside of his goth and told me to wait while he prepared Tibetan tea.

Wang pouring the Tibetan tea inside of his goth.

Tibetan tea is made from nak milk, butter, tea leaves, and salt.  (‘Nak’ means ‘female yak’ in Nepali.) We sat next to the fire on the ground of the goth as he poured the Tibetan tea.  He told me that he was storing the photo I had given him in one of the cracks between the rocks of the goth walls because no rain water reached there.  I listened to him as he talked about what life as a yakherder in Langtang is like.  He picked up his ‘spinning mani’ and began to spin it gently as we continued our conversation.  He explained that the yakherders mostly sell the milk for use at the Cheese Factory.  The factory had been destroyed in the earthquake of 2015 and was recently rebuilt.  For one liter of ‘high fat content milk’, meaning 7-8% fat, a yakherder is given 250 Nepali Rupees.

Wang holding his ‘spinning mani’ inside the herding hut. 

Wang told me about his puja practices–a Buddhist ritual.  Each time that he and the other yakherders in his group change spaces, a puja must be done for preventative purposes.  A ‘kharka’ is the ‘herding camp’ or the different grazing areas that the yakherders rotate their animals on.  The yakherders change kharkas every 8 to 9 days and once they arrive in the next area, the yakherder performs a puja so that the yaks do not become sick or break their horns.  Wang also talked about the belief that the yakherder’s fingers may not work if these pujas are not performed

He continued to spin the mani.

The space dedicated to the daily puja rituals inside of a home in the Langtang Valley.

He then began to tell me about the puja he performs each morning.  It is common for a Langtangpa member of each household to perform a daily puja in the mornings.  This puja is a way of praying for and blessing the people in his life.  He prays for the other villagers, for himself, for his family, and his friends.  He even prays for the tourists he encounters.  Wang explained to me his perception of tourists and the power that lies in these ‘outsiders’.  He explained that in some aspects, tourists are like ‘gods’, referring to the support that some foreigners provide via the tourist industry financially and through sponsorship of their children’s education.  Without these sponsorships, many Langtangpa children would not be able to attend school in Kathmandu, where the best opportunities for education are available in Nepal.

However, Wang explained to me that many tourists also come to Langtang knowing nothing about the local customs.  Some pitch their tents in the places where people have died, some come with meat and eat in sacred places like the base camp at Langtang Lirung, and some do not properly clean up after themselves.  Wang said to me that this is not the fault of the tourists, rather it is a lack of local knowledge on their part.  But this also means that the traditions and customs of living in this ‘beyul’ are not being followed.  This is why Wang and many other Langtangpas believe that they must pray for the tourists during their puja rituals.  This ‘disrespect’ to the sacred geography of Langtang is often listed among many other ‘local knowledge’ reasons for the big avalanche in Langtang Village that accompanied the earthquake of 2015.

Between sips of the heavy Tibetan butter tea and in the quiet spaces between our conversation, I looked around—a place to sleep and a place to cook, a place to perform his puja rituals, and some hay for the animals that he kept under the shelter with him.  I remembered our conversation from a few weeks ago when Wang had stopped me on the trail in Mundu.  I remembered when he told me he was a yakherder and he was not able to travel outside of the valley in order to get his photo taken, to print photos.

 

Photo by Austin Lord.

Photo by Austin Lord.

I wondered what he thinks about me, the foreign girl who can communicate with him in his second language, the girl that he affectionately refers to as ‘chori’.  My interactions with Wang illuminated parts of a different side of Langtang for me, parts not so directly related to the tourism industry.  The yakherders hold a place within the community that reaches into the deeper history of the community.  Wang explained that the future of yakherding seems to be dwindling in Langtang.  The younger generation is not accustomed to the lifestyle.  He believes that soon, after his generation of yakherders becomes too old, that his cattle will just be left to live in the jungle.  This perception of the future is indicative of the circumstances that have been changing rapidly in Langtang, the new standards of cleanliness and the new hopes associated with education for the younger generations.

It has been, and continues to be, a privilege to participate in conversations such as these.  Thank you for reading as I continue to learn and share.

Jennifer

 

¹It is common for older people in Nepal to refer to younger women in kinship terms, such as chori (daughter) or bahini (younger sister).

²Ba is a term that literally means ‘father’, but is used as a form of respect when speaking to older men.

References

Cox, Tom. “Herding and Socio-economic Change Among Langtang Tibetans.” CNAS Journal. 1985.

Lim, Francis. “Imagining the Good Life: Negotiating Culture and Development in Nepal Himalaya.” Brill: Leiden, 2008.

 

A Reflection: Listening and Self-Evaluation

Dear Readers,

I have been quite busy with fieldwork lately.  I left Kathmandu in early June to continue my work with the Langtang Valley community and a few other projects.  This time in the field has been extremely beneficial for me on many fronts and there is much to share from my recent experiences.  I am learning every day; I am learning about myself, the people around me, ethnography, my research interests.  In this state of learning, I find myself in deep self-reflection—a reflexive endeavor of listening to the people around me and evaluating my place in these situations.  This is an important practice that connects my personal journey to my ethnographic work, allowing me to constantly locate and relocate myself in my surroundings.  Examination of myself in relation to others yields an awareness of the ways in which my identity—the ways in which I perceive and represent myself in addition to the ways others perceive me—limits and grants me access in each situation.

Langtangpas viewing material downloaded from the Langtang Memory Project archive.

Listening to others and evaluating the self.  This is the reflexive approach that I continually focus on developing in my work.  Listening is more than just hearing the words that a person is speaking; listening is a slow endeavor.  This slowness allows stories to unfold; it allows people to be heard and voices to emerge.  Evaluation of my self allows me to understand my place in these interactions—how I influence the people around me, the ways that stories are told, the comfort within these interactions.  This two-fold approach—a constant work in progress—leads me to an acute awareness of my ‘difference’, locating myself in each changing context, and informing me of how these pieces of my identity influence my interactions.

While in Nepal, my decisions have placed me in somewhat of a state of constant ‘fieldwork’.  While in Kathmandu, I live with a Nepalese family, which means that even when I am not ‘in the field’ working on my various projects, (i.e. Langtang, the Tarai, outside of Kathmandu), I still spend my days in a constant state of ‘difference’, speaking in a language that is not my native language and abiding by cultural expectations that come along with living inside of a Nepalese household.  My previous experiences in Nepal informed me that this decision is sometimes accompanied by difficulties; however, it is a decision that allows for constant learning.  This is the way in which I learned the Nepali language, the way that I slowly have gained, and am still gaining, a more nuanced understanding of the pressures that Nepalese social structure enforces.  I am confronted with the ‘difference’ that I represent here on a daily basis and each day I learn more about the ways in which this difference is manifested in my interactions.

Why am I here?  What am I doing so far from home? And, especially, as a single woman?  These are questions that I must answer every day—a constant examination of my motivations. My physical appearance—a young white woman seemingly from the Western world and far from home—invokes a certain curiosity in the people I encounter.  Each of these ‘pieces’ of my identity must be understood in the ways that they interact with each other, not ever neatly separated, yet each combining to present those around me with an impression of who I am and the appropriate ways to interact with me.  Reflection on these interactions then informs me of appropriate ways to conduct myself in each situation, clarifying the points of access that are available to me.

Nepal’s society, while unique and multi-faceted, overall can be described as ‘patriarchal’.  My identification as a woman, therefore, influences my interactions on a daily basis and has great impact on my work.  Men often are not as forthcoming to speak to me as they are with my male colleagues.  However, my gender allows me access into conversations and more personal settings with women that my male colleagues are often not allowed to enter.  My reflections regarding the ways in which my gender limits me and grants me access is constantly influencing the lens in which I view my interactions and the ways in which I approach my observations.  This gendered lens allows me to see unevenness manifesting in power relations; a focus that I am slowly narrowing in on.

 

As a young and unmarried woman, the topic of marriage is brought up in many conversations that often result in older people trying to convince me of the merit of their younger male relatives.  My gender also influences my interactions with males in power positions.  I have found that before establishing a working relationship, men will often go through complicated channels to get messages across to me, rather than speaking directly to me.  On the other hand, my gender grants me invitations to sit with groups of women, sipping tea and discussing personal matters.  This sameness of gender seems to offer a sense of comfort that is manifested in my ability to be in a room of women crying, whereas my male colleagues do not find themselves in situations such as this.  Although my gender places certain limits on me, I also realize that my status as a ‘foreigner’ from the ‘Western world’ grants me certain power and access that other females of my age usually do not have.

My ‘foreignness’ here is represented in my appearance, the color of my skin, my hair, the way that I dress, my accent.  It is apparent as soon as one looks at me.  My status as a foreigner from America leads people to assume certain things about my life.  I have become aware of this in my interactions.  Learning that I am often charged a higher price than the local people, I become aware of the assumption that all Westerners have a lot of money.  My life is often conceived of in ‘privileged’ terms, and how could I dispute this when I have traveled half way across the world to a country of individuals who are largely not given access to my home country?  These assumptions are at times difficult to get around, and therefore, I often find myself in conversations revolving around the comparisons between my life at home and life here in Nepal.

Through careful observation and situational evaluation, I am learning the appropriate ways to conduct myself in order to create positive interactions.  I have learned that if I have not established a relationship with someone, it is important for me to bring a ‘local’ person with me to facilitate these conversations.  When entering into an area, I have realized that it is not appropriate to immediately bring up matters of work; rather, an easing into these more focused matters is appreciated.  This approach leads me to often drink a few cups of tea and chat about daily life and family matters upon entering a home or into a conversation.  Time is also understood in different terms here and meeting times are often viewed as flexible.  Understanding this informs my interactions and allows me to avoid frustration in missed meetings.  I have learned that while it is important to have a vision, I know that my plans will always change.  Acceptance of this has allowed me to enter into more organic situations of observation, learning from each situation, rather than trying to enforce a strict regimen.

This self-reflective state continually provides me with a clarity into myself and my interactions with others.  I will bring this practice of attentive listening and constant evaluation of myself with me as I prepare to leave Kathmandu once again on Tuesday to follow up on my previous work.  My work here has become quite exciting, and I am grateful for these opportunities of constant learning and steady growth in my personal and professional endeavors.  I will return to Kathmandu at the end of this month with more stories and more insight than I have at the time of writing this.  I look forward to sharing with you what I learn as I continue to participate in this practice of self-reflection.

Thank you for reading.

Jennifer

Gyalpo’s Story: Decisions in a Post-Disaster Context

Dear Readers,

Returning to Nepal has given me the opportunity to understand the individuals I have met over a trajectory.  When I first started my work with the Langtang Valley community, it was just five months after the April 25, 2015 earthquakes in Nepal.  During my recent trip to Langtang, the two-year anniversary of the earthquake was commemorated by a community-led Puja.  Each individual I have met has a story, many stories, that come alive over time.  One of these individuals is 26-year-old Gyalpo Lama from Langtang Village.

I met Gyalpo for the first time in November of 2015 in Boudhanath, Kathmandu.  At this time, I could not quite grasp Gyalpo’s story.  I thought perhaps he was disinterested in the project.  I reconnected with Gyalpo a few weeks ago while in Langtang and I quickly learned I had been mistaken about his interest in the project.  He became a vital connection to the community for me, offering assistance in translation and cultural understanding.  Gyalpo speaks five languages fluently—formal Tibetan, the local Langtangpa language, Nepali, Hindi, and English. At the age of seven, his parents sent him to Swayambhunath in Kathmandu to become a monk.  It is common in the Himalayan region of Nepal for families to send one of their sons to be trained and live as a monk.

After his time in Swayambhunath, he relocated to Pharping Monastery just outside of Kathmandu.  When he was 16, he again relocated to a monastery in Varanasi, India.  This is also where he acquired his Bachelor’s Degree in Buddhist Philosophy.  Gyalpo told me that he had planned to get his PhD, hoping to become the first person from Langtang to acquire such an advanced degree.  However, his plans and his life course changed drastically after the earthquake.

“On April 25^th when the earthquake hit, I was in India, Varanasi, studying over there.  I think it was around 12 afternoon . . . In the evening, I came to know by news that Nepal was badly hit by the earthquake. I was very tense by knowing that, so I tried to contact my family in Nepal, but all the phone lines were either busy or dead.  I couldn’t contact them and social networks, they were also not working well.  The next day I came to Nepal.  When I reached here, I came to know that our village was totally destroyed by  the avalanche and lots of people were killed.  In that avalanche, I also lost my dear mom, dad, my brothers, lots of relatives, and our house.”

“My heart collapsed with this house because it lives here.  My parents spent decades building this house, but how easily it was destroyed in minutes.  They have been dreaming to modify this house for a long time, but they left us without completing their dream.  Now who could carry it out?  I don’t feel I can.  My heart will be hollow without their presence.”

Gyalpo, like so many others, was faced with difficult decisions in the aftermath of the earthquake.  Gyalpo’s story is one voice in a larger collection of stories that emerged from the circumstances of this tragedy, representations of the difficult decisions one faces in a post-disaster context.  Family systems are disrupted, children must take the responsibility of those who were lost, landscapes are shifted, life-altering decisions must be made.

When asked about the decisions he was faced with, Gyalpo explains, “I thought practically because my brother is alone.  I thought he needed support, so then I came to Langtang to rebuild.”

Gyalpo’s only surviving brother, now 23-year-old Dawa Lama, holding my notebook in which ‘Langtang’ is written in Nepali (Devanagari) and Tibetan scripts.

Gyalpo’s decision had important implications for his life.  He had been a monk for nearly 20 years, living a strictly disciplined life in a monastery.  The lifestyle of a monk does not offer many breaks; he spent most of his time before the earthquake away from Langtang, visiting only occasionally when possible.  Village life in the Himalayan Mountains is quite different than life in a monastery.  Monks are subject to rules, dress codes, and daily rituals set by the monastery they reside in.

During my recent time in Langtang, Gyalpo and I went to visit one of the high lamas (‘holy men’) to learn about his life and role in the community.  This meant that we had to walk through the avalanche site that once was Langtang Village—the village where Gyalpo was born, the village where Gyalpo’s family died.  He stopped and pointed out a small piece of cement with blue paint on it.  He told me this was where his family’s home had been.  He said that whenever he walks through this area, he keeps his eyes forward, trying not to focus on the damage, the fate that his family had met.  On that day, he had stopped, he looked around, and posed a question: “Sometimes I try to understand. These rocks are so big.  How could they have fallen from that mountain?  I just don’t understand.”

Gyalpo leading me through the avalanche site that was Langtang Village before the earthquake.

When we returned that night, we passed through the avalanche site once more.  It had become dark and we used flashlights to find our way.  We stopped at the Memory Stupa—a memorial site dedicated to the lives lost in the earthquake.  Shining the light of my headlamp on the Stupa, Gyalpo scanned the names of the locals who had passed away.  “This is my mom,” he pointed out.  “Here is my dad, and here is my brother’s name.”

Inscription on top of the Memory Stupa, written in all of the languages of those who lost their lives due to the earthquake.

The community placed new prayer flags leading up to the Memory Stupa on the two-year anniversary of the earthquake.

Gyalpo now lives mostly in Langtang.  He and his brother are working to complete the rebuilding of his home and guesthouse before the monsoon seasons starts.  His decision to cease being a monk, to leave India and to start a life in Langtang, has altered his life circumstances dramatically.  A decision born from the post-earthquake context that still marks Nepal, a decision motivated by his relationship, his responsibility toward his younger brother and the legacy of his family.  I am grateful to know Gyalpo, to learn from him, and to call him a friend.

Thank you for reading.

Jennifer

Disaster and Labor: A Follow Up on Previous Insights from Langtang

Dear Friends,

Last year I wrote to you about a young girl named Dolma Tamang, with whom I traveled to Langtang with.  She is from a small village called Ramche, situated between Kathmandu and Syabru Besi—the town that you begin to hike from in order to reach Langtang.  There are no popular trekking routes that run through Ramche; most of the households in this village are subject to poverty conditions.  During my time with Dolma last year, her story slowly began to unravel, manifesting in concerned looks and questions revealing her uncertainty of where she was heading and for what purpose.  As Dolma began to understand the situation at hand, I too learned that she was destined to provide domestic assistance for a Langtang household during the post-earthquake rebuilding phase.  Her uncle had arranged for this to happen; Dolma was told that she was leaving for Langtang—a place she had never even heard of—only three hours prior to her departure.

The type of ‘broom’ that is most commonly used by Nepalis, like Dolma, when sweeping floors.

Her story remained with me.  It was difficult, learning of her fate, and saying goodbye to her.  In the past year, I have continued to inquire about her, learning about a stomach surgery she endured.  I was told that Dolma had become unable to keep up with the demands of the manual labor.  When I returned to Nepal about a month ago, I inquired about her situation again.  I was told that she was back in Ramche with her family; I had hopes of meeting her.

Prior to traveling to Langtang for fieldwork, I received a friend request on Facebook from a familiar face.  It was Dolma!  I was incredibly happy to finally have a chance to directly talk to Dolma once again, to hear about her life, where she was, and what she was doing now that she was no longer working in Langtang.  She told me that she had returned home to live with her parents in Ramche.  I said that I would be traveling that way soon and if possible, I would come to meet her for some tea, to see her once again, and hear about her life since the last time I saw her. She matched my excitement, calling me ‘Didi’ (older sister), and inviting me to come and meet her in her home when I was able to.

Just a few days before my trip, I contacted Dolma again on Facebook.  I said I would be traveling with some friends who knew where her house is and that we would call her if we had an opportunity to come and visit her.  She wrote me back: “Didi, I’m sorry. I’m not at home anymore.  I can’t meet you.  My parents sent me to China.”

I thought I might have misinterpreted her message and asked for some clarification.  She explained that she couldn’t keep up with the work in Langtang, so she had returned home.  But now, due to the family’s financial situation, she was once again sent away to work—this time in a different country.  A country that she does not know anyone, a country in which she cannot communicate as she does not know the language.  I asked her who she was staying with.  She told me she was living alone, doing work similar to what she had done in Langtang.  I felt my heart sink down, thinking of the sadness that this young girl has been subject to in her life. She said to me, “We are poor people. What else is there to do?”

Upon my return to Kathmandu, I reached out to Dolma again.  She has been communicating with me, explaining to me her loneliness, her confusion.  She is uncertain of when she will return back to Nepal.  She is unable to communicate with her parents as she does not have a sim card that works in China.  She often posts to her Facebook page, questioning why her life has been so full of sadness, questioning why she has only found tears and no smiles in her life.

I think about this young girl every day. I thought about her while in Langtang, looking at the other domestic workers and manual laborers, wondering what stories they hold behind their smiles.  As I made my way down the mountain, I passed through Ramche, this time taking closer notice to my surroundings.  My Nepali friend accompanying me explained that you will only see very small houses and huts in Ramche.  The people are very poor.  Dolma’s story, unfortunately, is not a rare occurrence in Nepal.  Those individuals who live in the small villages often have no opportunity for local work.  Dolma left her studies at a young age.  As a result, she cannot read and does not speak English.  This limits her opportunities greatly.  Many families in villages such as the village that Dolma is from are extremely poor, so poor that they are even unable to purchase enough food for their families.  It is from situations like this that children are sent to work in the households of others.

The rebuilding situation in Langtang has created a situation where this extra help is necessary.  It is from these dynamics of poverty and post-disaster rebuilding that I met Dolma and that I learned firsthand that situations like this exist in Nepal.  However, after many discussions with Nepalese citizens concerning this matter, I have learned that Dolma’s story is not rare.  In fact, it is quite common.  Exporting labor in this way has become quite a phenomenon in Nepal and most often directly related to poverty conditions. An article found in Spotlight News Magazine explains, “The most important and usual cause of child labor is because those children’s parents are so underprivileged that they can’t provide for the family without some economic help.   Thus, they send their children to earn an income, which is desperately needed.”  What is one to do when they cannot feed their family?  What are the options for those who find themselves in situations such as Dolma’s family?

I write this story to you because it is a story that does not leave me.  Dolma’s story, and the stories of other child laborers, must be drawn attention to.  She has no voice in this situation.  She is one of many in a similar situation.  My time in Langtang has revealed to me the intersections of child/ exported labor and disaster.  The Langtangpas live in an area where its inhabitants can earn money through the trekking industry.  People like Dolma do not share in this ability to find work in their home towns.  The earthquake created a demand for extra help in Langtang and this is why I met Dolma.  Her story has revealed to me much about Nepal.  While it is not an easy story to learn about, it is an important story to listen to.

Until next time,

Jennifer

Learning from the Langtangpas: Lessons of Listening and Slowing Down

Dear Readers,

I have returned from the Langtang Valley!  I was there for 15 days, during which time I conducted some vital fieldwork for the ‘Langtang Memory Project’, reconnected with the local community, and learned quite a lot.  There is much to say and many stories that I hope to share with you over the coming weeks.

I installed the ‘Langtang Means Home’ photo exhibition in commemoration of the two-year anniversary of the earthquake that devastated the Langtangpa community during my time there.  The exhibition displayed the work of Langtangpa photographers, giving the community a chance to reflect on the past and collectively view their work in the place that they call home.

The anniversary of the earthquake is on April 25 on the ‘Gregorian calendar’, but the ‘Tibetan Calendar’ functions differently.  This year on the Tibetan Calendar, used by the Langtangpas for religious purposes, the anniversary fell on May 2.  On this day the community held a Puja to honor those who were lost to the earthquake.  Langtangpas from all over the Langtang Valley came to attend this day-long Puja—a tradition in Buddhism.  There was much to do to prepare for the Puja.

Barley must be dried, so that those attending the Puja can throw it as the ‘lamas’ say the mantras and lead the blessings.  Lamas are the respected ‘holy persons’ of the community who lead the community in religious ceremonies such as this Puja.  Butter must also be melted and poured into small golden colored cups with cotton wicks in order to make butter lamps.

Butter lamps are lit, following Buddhist tradition, for those who passed away.  It is believed that lighting the butter lamps assists the souls after death.

The community must also make champa.

During the Puja, champa is placed before the lamas and blessed.  Following the Puja, champa is served to those in attendance.

My extended time in Langtang allowed me to document the photo exhibition and the Puja for the Langtang Memory Project.  As the days went by, I felt myself seep deeper into the community, learning much about the micropolitics of the community.  I gained keener insight into the power dynamics and gender divisions present in the community as well as the tension of rebuilding that emerges post disaster.  I received some important feedback about the project and brainstormed with the community about our vision moving forward.

There were, of course, periods of time when I felt out of place, somewhat unsure of how to accomplish my tasks.  This project represents a collaboration of cultural perspectives—a representation that I must be aware of when conducting this work.  A representation that intensifies while spending time ‘on the ground’ immersed in the daily life of the community.  Time spent living in the way that the Langtangpas live informs my work in an incomparable way.  During this time, I became aware of two broad lessons: 1. The importance of listening and 2. The importance of slowing down.

The Langtang Valley is a popular trekking destination in Nepal.  This means that every day, the community encounters tourists, many of whom look similar to me.  Every day, these tourists take photos of the Langtangpas, idealizing a community that represents foreignness, an exotic destination to these visitors.  The Langtangpas often never see what happens to these photos, interviews, and videos.  It became increasingly important for my purposes to instill in the community that my presence and the material I generate is not for me, but rather, it is for the community.  I deliberately did not take photos for a few days.  I established relationships, garnered trust, and most importantly, made it a focal point to explain the project and allow the community to understand the motivations and goals of our work at their own pace.

I listened.  I listened to everyone who wanted to talk to me because my time in Langtang, the project that I am working on, is about creating a space for Langtangpa voices to be heard.  I realized while listening that projects such as this one must be conducted slowly.  It is not appropriate to arrive in Langtang and immediately request meetings and material from the community.  I learned to live at a pace that the Langtangpas live, a lifestyle that makes time for long conversations, homemade meals, and unplanned meetings of friends.  It is a lifestyle that differs on various levels from the lifestyle of my ‘cultural perspective’.  These lessons continually emerge in my work, preparing me for my future plans to study and research in the field of anthropology.

I will continue to write to you about my recent time in Langtang in the coming days and weeks while I have access to wifi in Kathmandu.  I am excited to share with you these stories, reflections, and plans for the future.

Thank you for reading and until next time,

Jennifer

Returning to Nepal

Dear Friends,

I am en route to Nepal!  It has been quite a busy several weeks leading up to right now—learning of this opportunity, conceptualizing my vision and plans for my time, and preparing to depart to this far away country that has become my ‘home away from home’.  I will be continuing my work with a community from the Langtang Valley that was severely affected by the 2015 earthquakes in Nepal.  This work has been the culmination of serendipitous events—random connections that put me in the right place to help co-launch the ‘Langtang Memory Project’.  It is through this project, in collaboration with a Denver-based photography and storytelling nonprofit, ‘Picture Me Here’, that I was asked to return and continue our important work.  I am very excited to finally have the ability to share with you my plans and what I hope to accomplish in conjunction with the Langtang Valley community.

I will arrive in Nepal tomorrow and will likely stay through the summer, working on three broad goals: 1.) creating installations in the community centers in Langtang to commemorate the two-year anniversary of the earthquake, 2.) continued skill development with the community by means of photography and storytelling, and 3.) working on our proposed book project.  The special part about the content of these projects is that it is community generated.  By this, I mean that the community reached out to us to assist in cultural preservation and documentation and therefore, all of the photographs that are collected in the aftermath of the earthquake are taken by the community members themselves.  This project seeks to honor those who were lost, respect the process of healing, and create a space for new Langtangpa individual and collective identities to emerge.

My first mission will be to create the installations in commemoration of the earthquake anniversary.  My vision for creating these installations will not fully emerge without further consultation with the Langtang community.  The anniversary is on the 25^th of April, and so my work on this piece of the project will be immediate.  So where will I be?  Here’s a map of Nepal:

Langtang

I’ll be landing in Kathmandu—the capital—and spend about a week preparing, meeting with community members, and printing the appropriate materials.  From Kathmandu, I will travel into the Himalayan mountains, into the ‘hidden valley’ known as the Langtang Valley.  It has been just over a year since the last time I was in Langtang.

As I continue to near my destination, I feel calm.  I am ready to continue again, renewed, with a more nuanced perspective of the situation, yet eager to continue to learn, eager and grateful for this opportunity.  I think back to my last trip to Nepal. I met people I never planned to meet; I worked on projects I had not planned to work on.  I am reminded of just how quickly things change, and how important each new connection I make can become.  I feel calm knowing that I have a plan, knowing that this plan will change and that’s okay.  I will share with all of you how my plans unfold.  I am on the cusp of a new adventure, a new piece of this project.  I look forward to see how everything manifests, and I look forward to sharing this with you.

Until next time.

Jennifer

Finding My Balance: Why I stopped Writing

Dear Friends,

I have not written to you for several months.  These months have been difficult.  I’ve thought about you, I’ve thought about the people and the experiences that I would like to share with you.  I’ve thought about my transformation, who I was before I left, who I became, who I am now.  Unsure of the words to use, I stopped trying.  Unsure of how to approach a story, and so I didn’t approach it.  I look back at what I have written to you, dear friends, and I wonder where that girl has gone.  Again, I find myself in a state of self-examination.

It is this continual state of self-examination that leads me to question why I stopped writing.  Writing has been my means of processing, comprehending my experience, understanding my internal self.  But there have been these fragmented memories, pieces of stories, that I’ve stored inside myself.  Stories that I intended to share.  Stories that I never wrote—a subconscious protestation to fully comprehending these experiences.  Yet these stories continue to appear in my consciousness, fragmented and rushed, always imprinting again on my internal self.  I would like to present to you a representation of these fragmented stories as I understand them in my brain, stories out of context, stories that still bear the pain of the storyteller, even in pieces.

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. . . I walked past him every day while living in the capital city of Nepal.  His eyes, a glazed over blue.  His lips tightly pressed together and his brow furrowed in anticipation of receiving some spare change from those who passed him.  He methodically, and desperately, shook his arm at each passerby.  His hand was no longer there, just an arm on which the handle of a bucket rested.  Exchanging glances, I felt my thoughts grow darker, wondering what brought him into these circumstances, wondering how he lost his hand, wondering how one could survive like this . . .

. . .“We cannot go into the forest.  We are women.  There are low caste men also gathering firewood.  We cannot go in.”  . . .

. . . I listened to her stories.  I felt the pain leak out of her as her body stiffened and her words slowed down.  I listened to her tell me the story of her rape.  The same story she had confided in her mother.  The same story that forced her to marry her rapist.  She pulled her son’s hood over his head as the sun began to meet the horizon in the distance.  She said, “It’s a sad life.  The life of a woman here is sad.  But what can we do?” . . .

. . . “You must not leave the home past five o’clock in the evening,  The men will drink and it will be dangerous for you.” . . .

. . . I had seen his mother so many times.  She would follow me, targeting my fair skin, targeting my foreignness.  She presented the same script to me each time until she started to recognize me.  My foreignness sinking into her familiarity.  She sent her son this time.  I felt something tugging at my shirt.  Tiny hands, caked in dirt.  I looked down to see a smattering of dusty hair, an unclothed child looking back at me.  What could I possibly do? . . .

. . . “I never want to marry.  I know very well what boys want.  When I marry, my life will be over.”  . . .

. . . I met her on my way to the mountains.  Her face was sullen, her eyes fixated on nothing in particular, just outside the window.  She did not know where she was going.  Her uncle told her to go and so she obeyed.  Each day of hiking increased the distance she traveled from home—a path unfamiliar to her.  Each day that we hiked further, we began to understand the fate that awaited her.  Her uncle had offered her to provide household assistance in exchange for money.  He had sold her . . .

. . .“What gives you the courage to travel alone so far away from home?  You are a woman.”  . . .

. . . “How do you feel? Now, seeing where we come from?” Roshan asked me as we slowly made our way between the bamboo huts of the Beldangi II refugee camp.  I was quiet and he continued, “It’s sad, isn’t it?  Life here is sad.” . . .

. . . We approached the spot where it happened—the avalanche that followed the earthquake.  The entire village was destroyed, leaving behind pieces of the lives that were lost—bed frames, tea thermoses, baby clothes, metal cups.  Didi was leading us.  Her arms, crossed and tucked into her chest; I watched her small frame move through the pieces of lives once lived.  She stopped, holding her arm out to point to where her sister had lived with her husband and children.  I watched tears fall from her eyes, her breath shortening.  I watched her, surrounded by the reminder of devastation.  I watched her, trying to move on, paralyzed by her pain, uncertain of how to continue in that moment . . .

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These are some of the stories, the people, that have clutched my heart.  I encountered so many people who had no agency, no ability to change their reality.  People who saw me and marveled at the choices I have in front of me, the independence I exercised; I represented answers, happiness, the ‘good life’.  Gradually I became enveloped in sadness, enveloped in an uncertainty that turned into fear.  Sadness over the lack of choice my new friends had; their lives had been laid out for them by way of caste, gender, age, region, etc.  Fear that I would not do good with the many choices that are available to me in life.  Fear that I would take my privilege for granted.  Fear that I couldn’t possibly be the person that these people looking at me thought I was.

I have fought this fear; I’ve denied its existence; I’ve tried to ignore it.  And finally, I am accepting it.  In accepting this fear, I have become aware of how it has manifested itself in these past several months.  How it is halted me from writing, from laughter, from sharing, from life.  In this acceptance of my fear, I accept myself.  In accepting myself, I am aware that my focus is shifting.  I am now facing the challenge of exploring a new theme.  The theme of balance.  Informed by the stories and lessons of my past, I seek balance as I look to my future, as I find myself preparing to return to Nepal.  Preparing to return, to pick up where I left off, to continue my work, and to continue to learn.  It is with a renewed sense of self and others that I embark on this adventure.

I will share with you the plans for my new adventure soon, friends.  Until next time.

Jennifer

Stories from the Langtang Valley-II: Remembering the Earthquake

Dear Readers,

The one year anniversary of the earthquake that devastated Nepal is approaching.  In honor of this, I would like to continue to share pieces of the Langtang Valley with all of you.  The first time I met the Langtangpas was in the Kathmandu last November.  Since then, I have traveled to their homes, drank tea, shared meals with their family members, and witnessed the devastation that occurred last April 25.  Last time I wrote to you about a Langtangpa woman named Pemba Yangjin.  I met her younger brother, Chhime last November.  Throughout these past months, he has allowed me to be on the listening end of his story.  It is a story that he has shared with me through many conversations.  I have converted these conversations into a written first-person account in order to allow his story to be heard by more people.

Chhime Tamang (photo taken by his cousing, Pasang)

It was mid-morning on the 25^th day of April, 2015 and I was just returning from my morning college class to the apartment I share with my sister, Xangmo, in Kathmandu.  I wasn’t born in Kathmandu; I was born in the village of Mundu—one of the villages that make up the Langtang Valley.  If there were a college there for me to go to, I never would have left; however, like many other Langtangpas, I came to Kathmandu for education and work opportunities.  The rest of my family was still living in Mundu.

When I came home that day, I sat down on my bed while Xangmo was in the kitchen cooking.   I was messaging a few friends on Facebook when suddenly I noticed that my bed was shaking.  I looked around me while the shaking continued.  I wasn’t sure what to do.  Xangmo entered my room in a similar state of confusion.  As I stood up, I remember feeling as if I were intoxicated, not able to steadily place my feet on the ground beneath me.  We realized we needed to do something, but we were scared; in this state of fear, we decided to lay underneath the bed hoping the shaking would stop.

I remember thinking to myself, “This is the end of my life, the end of my sister’s life.  Today we are totally gone.”  I was hoping for a peaceful death.  

The room continued to shake as we ran out of our apartment.  My mind was flooding with thoughts of my family in Langtang.  Were they safe?  I prayed for them with each step I took.  I knew that the environmental conditions in Langtang created a greater chance of damage there than in Kathmandu.  My anxious mind worsened as I remembered that the phone network in Langtang had not been running for a week now—how would I know if my family is safe?  How would I contact them?

I called my family more times than I can remember; each time, the calls did not reach them.  My sister and I remained outside; amidst the chaos, my mind was focused on the fate of Langtang, the fate of my family.  We were surrounded by our neighbors.  As I looked around I saw the distress and confusion I was feeling in their faces as well.  Everyone was wondering about the well-being of family and friends across Nepal.

The people around me were using a radio as a means of gathering information from other areas of the country.  At 3 o’clock in the afternoon, I heard my first piece of news concerning Langtang.  The broadcaster relayed information from a pilot who had been traveling by helicopter to Langtang that morning just before the earthquake occurred.  I listened to the from the radio explain that all of Langtang was covered in snow.  I knew what this news meant—the earthquake had caused an avalanche.  More questions filled my brain—questions that could not be answered; questions that tortured me.  Was everyone dead?  How could they have survived an earthquake and an avalanche?

My mind concluded that the worst had occurred, but my heart searched for more sources of information.  I knew that the nearby village of Ghoda Tabela had a running network.  I requested a friend to call his family there and received information that continued to devastate me.  My friend informed me that all the people of Langtang were dead.  The phone fell from my hand as heavy tears fell from my eyes to the Kathmandu street I found myself on.  A street so far from where my mind and heart were.

       

We spent the following nights sleeping in tents, unsure of the chance of aftershocks.  Two days passed and I still had not been able to speak to my family.  The second day brought news that people from Langtang were being rescued by helicopter and brought to Kathmandu.  I immediately got on my motorbike and went to the airport where I met other Langtangpas who live in Kathmandu.  As I looked into their eyes, I saw them struggling with the same demons that were haunting me.  We sat together anxiously awaiting familiar faces to arrive.

These familiar faces did not arrive.  The helicopter had returned to Kathmandu without any passengers.  It was five days after the earthquake; five days of waiting in fear sitting in our uncertainty.  People from Langtang finally began to arrive in the Kathmandu airport.  My eyes searched anxiously hoping to fall upon the face of my mother, my father, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews.  Where is my family?  They had not arrived.  I asked the other villagers about their fate, but was only informed of the well-being of my mom dad, and one sister.  What about the other 12 members of my family?

Finally my questions were answered.  My cousin, Pasang Tamang, called me from the village of Kyanjin Gumba.  “Your mom, your dad, and your middle sister are okay.  I’m okay.  Everyone else is dead.”  My fears had now become my reality.  My older brother and his family.  My older sister and her family.  My uncle and aunt—Pasang’s mother and father.  All of their lives had been taken by the earthquake and subsequent avalanche.  Pasang continued to talk, but I could not comprehend his words.  I watched injured Langtangpas exiting rescue helicopters; I was unable to speak.  The only thought in my head was “I need my remaining family now.”

 

 

 

“Have faith and wait,”

–the mantra that I continually repeated to myself as I waited.  Another day passed in the Kathmandu airport.  Finally, I saw the faces of my mother and Pasang.  My mother was crying.  I embraced her.  I was crying too.  My father and sister, Pemba Yangjin, were still in Kyanjin at this time.  In Kathmandu, the four of us—me, my mother, Pasang, and Xangmo—were invited to stay in a monastery in Boudha, where many people had gathered to stay during this time of uncertainty and danger.   My father and sister, Pemba Yangjin, arrived in the following days, completing what was left of our family.

 

 

 

Chhime’s sister, Pemba Yangjin, on the left

Friend, Chhime’s auntie, Chhime’s mother, me, and Pemba Yangjin

Chhime shared this story with me many months ago.  Since then, I have met the people in his story.  I have been to the room he stays in here in Kathmandu, sharing momos—a Nepali dish similar to dumplings—w ith Xangmo.  I have listened to Pasang talk about being alone, left behind by his mother and father.  I stayed with Chhime’s mother and father in their village of Mundu with Pemba Yangjin—his remaining older sister—as my porter guide and now friend.  I have listened to the heartbreak, watched tears falls from their eyes, and have seen the remains of their home.

 

 

I have also watched Pemba Yangjin carrying logs and other rebuilding materials from lower villages to her home by a band attached to her head.  I have watched their mother gather rocks and transport them to workers who make cement out of them.  I have watched their father work with other men to rebuild the trails in Langtang.  I have watched Chhime speak with a builder in order to rebuild his parents’ home.  I have watched Chhime and Pasang work daily on promoting their trekking agency—Tenjin Eco Treks—that has been named in memory of Pasang’s late father.  I have watched Chhime prepare implement a plan for greenhouses in Langtang. And every so often, I have seen glimpses of joy rise up in their faces.  Chhime’s mantra “Have faith and wait” is a lesson of patience, a lesson of hope, a lesson of rising again.

 

One year later, this is the state of the Langtangpa people.  The Langtangpa survivors still mourn those who have been lost every day.  It has been a year without celebration, without singing, without dancing.   There is a sense in the community that the world has forgotten Nepal in the past several months.  A sense of immediate media coverage that has left them and recently returned to cover the story of the one-year anniversary.  I have decided to share Chhime’s story to shed light on the past, remember what has happened, and share the lessons that fast media coverage is not able to share.  The approaching anniversary is not about front page stories; it’s about the people who lost their lives that day; it’s about the people who remain.  I am grateful to Chhime for sharing these pieces of his story with me, for sharing his family, and his home with me.  I am grateful for the lessons I have learned—lessons of loss, of remembering, and of rising again together.

Thank you for reading.

Jennifer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stories From the Langtang Valley-I

Dear Readers,

I recently returned from the Langtang Valley, located in the Himalayan region of Nepal.  I have been participating in projects concerning this section of the country and its inhabitants for several months now; however, this was my first time to see the area from my own eyes, engage with the villagers, and refine my perspective.  This trip was part of a larger Langtang Memory Project.  Aside from living and learning from the Langtangpas in their homes, I conducted interviews and gathered information for the archive project–a project dedicated to remembering and preserving the Langtang culture in the wake of the 2015 earthquake and subsequent avalanche.

During my time in Langtang, I met family members and friends of the Langangpas I know here in Kathmandu.  I met the people who wake up every day surrounded by beauty, yet consumed by the sadness of devastation.  People who cannot escape this sadness; people who are slowly moving on, slowly continuing with the broken pieces of their homes and their families.  I would like to share with you, my readers, some of the people that I met along this journey into Langtang; the stories they shared with me, the experiences we shared together.

Today,  I would like to introduce two special women I met, two women that shared the journey into Langtang with me, two women with vastly different perspectives.  In the following paragraphs, I will share with you my experience with my Langtangpa porter-guide, Pemba Yangjin and my experience with a young girl that accompanied us, Pema Dolma Tamang.

Pema Dolma and Pemba Yangjin (left to right)

 

 

The first time I met Pemba Yangjin was in Kathmandu during the Tibetan New Year holiday called Losar. This year, after the devastating losses endured by the Langtang community, the people did not celebrate in their traditional festive fashion; rather, family members simply gathered together for the occasion. It was the first Losar after the 2015 earthquakes in Nepal and the absence of those who lost their lives was palpable for the Langtangpas. Pemba’s family lost 12 immediate members—sisters and brothers, the laughter of her nieces and nephews had disappeared, uncles and aunts who had watched Pemba grow were no longer there. Losar is the holiday that Langtangpas look forward to all year; this year, it was a dreaded occasion filled with memories of the past and painful visions of the future.

Pemba offered me some khapse—a hard Tibetan biscuit made from flour, eggs, butter, and sugar and traditionally served during Losar—and some milk tea that she had prepared. Each step she takes, each action, each word, is reminiscent of those who have left her behind in this world. Slowly kneading the khpase dough, braiding it into different shapes, her mind wanders back to the years past where she shared this tradition with sisters and aunts who no longer are here. It is not just in these moments of tradition, but in each moment that she is reminded of what she has lost, who she has lost.

The next time I met Pemba, it was time for our trek to begin. This was my first journey into Langtang, and this was Pemba’s first time acting as a porter-guide. We situated ourselves into the public jeep that would take us away from the crowded streets, polluted air, and diversity of Kathmandu and bring us to a town called Syabru Besi—the place in which our journey by foot would start. The jeep ride from Kathmandu takes several hours; as we slowly made our way around the curving roads into the section of the Himalayan Mountains that the Langtang Valley resides in, I watched Pemba as she conversed with the other passengers, speaking in Tibetan with those local inhabitants of the mountains, and in Nepali with those who were not local to the area.

I watched as she looked out the window; her eyes sometimes glassing over, sighing breathy gasps of air making me wonder what the contents of her brain were. Every so often, she would turn to me with her kind smile, asking me if I was okay as we traveled. Her smile sometimes cracked slightly to reveal the pain that it was masking, pain that had invaded Pemba’s insides for almost a year now. Our jeep was beginning to near the neighboring towns of where we were headed. As we reached the town of Dunche, a cry of sadness escaped Pemba’s body. I turned toward her and watched as her hand reached her forehead as if to keep the memories of her loved ones intact. She was crying out for her sisters that had been taken from her, memories that had become too heavy to contain inside of her as we continued along our journey. My eyes moved to glance out the window, witnessing the evidence of landslides, the physical damage of homes and shops were visible, the brokenness of the inhabitants not so easily seen.

Just as quickly as her pain had revealed itself, it was once again tucked away neatly inside of Pemba. “Om Mani Padme Hum.” The Buddhist mantra quietly emerged from Pemba’s lips. Moments later, she pointed out to us that we were reaching our destination for the evening. The jeep slowed to a halt and Pemba’s hand extended to help me out of the vehicle. As my hand grasped hers, I wondered to myself how I could comfort someone who had been so broken. Her exclamation of pain for the family members she had lost was something I would continue to carry with me—an indication of the pain that marks the daily lives of the Langtangpas. We settled into our night’s lodging at Syabru Besi.

The sun hit my eyes slowly waking me from my sleeping state, reminding me of the journey I was beginning. I placed my toothbrush back into my bag and met Pemba in the dining area of the lodge. One cup of lemon tea and some Tibetan bread fueled our bodies to begin our day’s journey. As we left Syabru Besi behind us, I followed behind the gentle steps of Pemba. No longer was my name “Jennifer”; she had renamed me “Pasang Lamu”—a Tibetan name that her brain could more easily access. As she continued to forget my American name, she explained to me that the place of stress that she had been dwelling in since the 2015 earthquakes had caused her mind to become forgetful, not able to quickly capture new information.

Our steps were accompanied by a somberness. We slowly winded our way through trees and rocks, the remains of landslides, and into a large patch of black land, charred by a forest fire that had recently stripped the land of its greenness, painting the landscape again in sadness. I watched Pemba as she led me, wondering what thoughts were entering her mind. “Om Mani Padme Hum.” Reaching the top of an incline, she directed her smile toward me and declared that it was time for a rest. Slow steps, heavy breathing, hand in hand we sat, allowing our lungs to fill with air, our bodies to rehydrate with water, and our minds to comprehend our surroundings.

As we sat near the edge of the trail, our eyes rolled over the hills, following the birds overhead. My body was calm as Pemba spoke. At the age of 32, she was a single woman. At that moment, our adult minds interacted as those of children, making a pact to stay unmarried and share our lives as sisters. She extended her hand to confirm our pact and we laughed at the thought as our hands clasped together. As I watched Pemba stand up to begin our day’s journey again, my mind began to curiously wonder why Pemba was still unmarried.

Pemba has lived her entire life in the Langtang Valley; she had not attended school and cannot read or write. She continues to live with her mother and father, fulfilling the traditional roles of Langtangpa females of cooking and carrying out the necessary housework. I silently questioned why her parents had not arranged her marriage or why she had not partaken in a “love marriage”. Keeping my curiosities to myself, I picked up my bag and again followed Pemba as she led me on the trail to her home. A trail so revealing of the past—walking over landslides, viewing the remains of homes that once housed families, seeing the temporary make-shift shelters that currently housed these broken families—yet, the trail was also indicative of a future, of rebuilding, of continuing—passing over a new bridge, watching villagers construct new doors and piece together wood to create new homes. Prayer flags waving in the mountain breeze continued to remind me of those who were lost, and those who were left to place these flags in their memory. “Om Mani Padme Hum”.

 

From Syaphru Besi, we stayed one night in a town called Sherpa Gau.  The next day as the walking portion of our day came to an end as we reached the village of Tangshap. Our bodies became aware of the evening coolness as we placed our belongings in one of the few rooms available during this rebuilding phase. We sipped hot water in the moments that the sun disappeared behind the mountains surrounding us. Pemba had known the people of Tangshap before and was helping the women prepare our evening meal. I listened to the sounds of the Langtangpa dialect of Tibetan language and watched the few other foreigners that were staying the night there.

Darkness flooded the valley; we huddled together in the small kitchen waiting to be served our evening meals of dhal baat—a typical meal that can be found everywhere in Nepal consisting of rice, lentils, and curried vegetables. As we ate, Pemba and the other Langtangpas sat on the floor continuing their conversation. I slowly became aware of the sadness that was being exchanged in this conversation. I looked up from my plate and saw tears brimming the edges of Pemba’s eyes; staining the side of her cheek, she wiped away a tear that had fallen from her eyelashes as she continued to talk to the other women.

The contents of the conversation was revealed to me after finishing my meal. I had returned to my room and a girl who could understand Tibetan explained that Pemba had been speaking about a boy she knew before the earthquake. I listened as I learned that prior to the earthquake, there was a boy that Pemba planned to marry. His life had been taken from him on that April day of the earthquake; Pemba remained. Pemba remains in the brokenness that consumes her, that reminds of her those who are gone, and makes her question why she is still here.

I closed my eyes, laying my head on the pillow provided for me, and my mind wandered back to the previous afternoon, the pact we had made, and the laughter we had shared. The next morning I awoke to the mountains. The beauty, the immensity, the power. I wondered what thoughts entered Pemba’s mind when she looked at these same mountains. Today was the day that we would reach her home in the village of Mundu. Between Tangshap and Mundu, however, lies the village of Langtang. Langtang is the village that endured the most destruction as it was completely covered by the avalanche that accompanied the 2015 earthquakes. I had read reports and listened to many stories about the damage, but had not yet witnessed it for myself.

Once again, I was being led by Pemba. This time, she was leading me to her home. The path began to open up; no longer were we tightly surrounded by a covering of trees. We were now surrounded by distant mountains, slowly making our way through the valley. We passed porters carrying materials for rebuilding, men carrying heavy bags of stone, and large pieces of wood strapped to their heads. Ringing bells and heavy steps signaled to us that donkeys were approaching. We stood to the side of the trail as they passed, following them for a short time as we neared the area where the village of Langtang had once stood. This was where Pemba’s family, friends, community members—people she had known her whole life—were killed. Some found; some still buried under the rubble that we were about to walk over. The air felt heavy as we continued to move forward.

“Om Mani Padme Hum”. I looked around me. Prayer flags danced in the wind above the broken village. Signs of a past life quickly began to surround us. Broken chairs, bent tea thermoses, torn sweaters, old wallets, cracked television sets and radios, old shelves. Remnants of those who once inhabited the land that I walked over. Pemba signaled me to follow her. We walked through the space that her sister’s house once stood, a house that no longer remained, people that no longer remained.

 

Just past Langtang is the village of Mundu. The rocks that we had been walking on began to be replaced with a dirt tail that had not been covered by the avalanche and landslide. Mundu is a small village of about 18 households. Pemba’s house no longer stands after the earthquake. There is a closed in kitchen and storage area where she and her family sleep now.

Pictured above is Pema Dolma Tamang.  The following is an account of our journey starting from the jeep ride again as I experienced it with her.

Our jeep stopped in Ramche and a young girl entered, taking the hand of Pemba and sitting next to the window. We were close to our destination of Syabru Besi, and I wondered to myself where this girl was traveling alone to. The driver started the jeep again and Pemba informed me that this young girl, Dolma, was accompanying us on our journey. She was dressed in a sheer black top, black pants, and brown shoes that buckled around her ankle. Her shirt had plastic pearls around the neck and she carried a red coat, small backpack, and leopard print purse. Dolma’s eyes were fixed on the changing scenery out the window; she didn’t speak more than a few words as we traveled.

I wondered who Dolma was. Was she a friend of Pemba’s? A relative? How long would she stay in Langtang? Pemba did not speak to her in Tibetan; rather, they conversed in Nepali, revealing to me that Dolma was not a Langtangpa. When we reached Syabru Besi, Dolma remained quietly by Pemba’s side. Pemba and Dolma made milk tea for themselves as I drank lemon tea from the lodge. We explored the area and Pemba brought us to one of the shops along the road to buy Dolma a pair of sneakers—shoes much more suited for a trek into Langtang Valley than the ones she was currently wearing.

The next morning, we left Syabru Besi and were headed to Sherpa Gau. Dolma was still wearing the shoes she had arrived in and I asked her why she wasn’t wearing the new sneakers. She responded by telling me that those sneakers would make her hot and she preferred to wear the flat shoes with a buckle. I wondered if she knew how far we would be walking that day. I listened to the wooden soles of her shoes click against the stones that we walked over. Her bags looked heavier that morning.

Dolma slowly began to reveal pieces of herself as we walked through the paths of the Langtang Valley. She comes from the caste of Nepalis called Tamang—a distinct culture complete with its own language and customs. A language that differs from Pemba’s native tongue. She told me she was 17 years old and had only gone to school until Class 7. We continued to walk, led by Pemba, into the mountain landscape. As we walked, I wondered why she was with us, what was she going to do when we got to Langtang. The sun was becoming stronger and our stomachs were becoming empty again. We decided it was time to take a break and eat some lunch.

I reapplied sunscreen; offering some to Dolma, I asked her how long she had known Pemba. She told me that the day she met me was the day she met Pemba. Confusion washed over my mind—How could she have just met Pemba? I inquired a bit further as we waited for our meals. Dolma explained to me that she had been at her uncle’s house the day that we picked her up. Her house, consisting of her mom, dad, two brothers, and one older sister, is two hours away from her uncle’s house. Prior to that day, she had not been told that she would be traveling to Langtang. Pemba appeared from the kitchen, carrying our plates of dhal baat. I poured my dhal—the lentil soup—over my rice and began to eat while my mind continued to ponder Dolma’s words.

I picked up her leopard print purse and explained that I would carry it for the rest of the journey as she seemed to be having a difficult time with so many bags. The sun was setting when we reached our night’s destination of Sherpa Gau. That night we met a young girl of similar age to Dolma. She was there from a different region of Nepal as a worker for the lodge owner, cooking the meals for guests, making tea, cleaning the dishes. I realized that this was the work that Dolma’s future consisted of.

“How long will you stay with Pemba’s family?” Dolma answered with uncertainty. “What will you do there?” Pemba explained that her family needed assistance now that there was so much work to be done in the rebuilding process and less family members to help out. Dolma would be working for Pemba’s family—cooking, cleaning, doing as she will be asked to do. Dolma sat quietly next to Pemba. How did Pemba know Dolma? Pemba explained that her mother had met Dolma’s uncle about a month prior to this day. Her uncle had been helping out with some rebuilding for Pemba’s family and Pemba’s mother had inquired about some extra help around the house. The product of that conversation was what I was witnessing. Dolma had no authority over her choice. She was sent by her uncle and she would stay with Pemba’s family until her work was no longer needed.

As we continued to walk, Dolma would ask me how many more days, how many more hours until we would reach Mundu. She had not been told where Langtang Valley was; she had not been told how cold it would be; she had only been told that she must go—an order that she reluctantly obeyed. After realizing that she had no choice but to obey her uncle’s command, she hastily had packed two pairs of pants and one shirt; clothing that was suitable for the weather she was accustomed to, not for Langtang. I watched her flat shoes carry her over stones and I began to understand that she did not know where she was going.

We were slowly approaching the village that she would now call home. I watched her face wrinkle as we walked over broken homes. What was she thinking? Was she scared? We both were experiencing our first time into Langtang Valley together—coming from vastly different perspectives. My perspective gave me the agency to leave, the ability to return, to make my own agenda. Her perspective left her in a place she had no prior knowledge about, to people she did not know but must listen to. I wondered if her mind was free to comprehend her situation. Where were her thoughts leading her? We reached Mundu.

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The first three days of my journey into the Langtang Valley, described above, taught me so much about the situation that plagues this region of the country.  The sadness, the loss, the pain.  Pemba allowed me to understand this from the Langtangpa perspective.  Dolma allowed me to understand this story from a broader Nepali perspective–the need for workers in this earthquake-devastated area and the obedience young girls must display to their older relatives.  For now, I would like to leave you with just these two perspectives, and slowly share with you more stories of my time in Langtang as I continue to write about the people I met along the way.

Thank you, as always, for reading and for allowing me to share my experience with you.

Jennifer

“Langtang Rising” Photo Exhibition: A Platform for Stories to be Heard

Dear Readers,

The “Langtang Rising” photo exhibition that I wrote about to you last time has begun! We had our opening reception at the Taragaon Museum in Boudha, Kathmandu–an afternoon gathering of tea, cookies, friends, photographs, and stories of the Langtangpas.  It was a special day for everyone involved; most importantly, it was a day for the stories of the Langtangpas to be heard.  As I watched the Langtangpa photographers viewing their printed photographs, I was reminded once again of the power of having a platform for one’s story to be heard.  I have been listening to their stories for months, organizing the exhibition, curating the material, gathering the photographs; the exhibition is the platform for others to hear their stories–the stories they choose to tell.  I would like to further share their work through this post as a means for more people to learn about the meaning of “Langtang Rising”.

Robyn Scarth was my wonderful partner in creating the “Langtang Rising” photo exhibition.

[These 4 photos have been taken by Austin Lord.]

Above is a picture of some of the Langtangpa photographers that attended the opening of the photo exhibition.  Each of the photographers that participated in this venture told a different story; their individual stories culminating in a larger story of the Langtangpa experience.  The exhibition was organized into six different themes–themes that emerged from the material that I gathered: 1. Langtangpas: The People of Langtang, 2. Langtang Before the Earthquake, 3. Langtang After the Earthquake, 4. Life in Kathmandu, 5. Langtang Culture and Traditions, and 6. Langtang Rising. The physical exhibition is being displayed in Boudhanath, Kathmandu for one month; each theme is displayed in one of six different cafe locations.  The exhibition’s seventh location, the Taragaon Museum, is housing photographs from each of the six thematic collections allowing viewers to experience a more holistic representation of the Langtangpa story.

[Above photos taken by Austin Lord.]

The exhibition’s first theme–“Langtangpas: The People of Langtang”–is a collection of portraits and photographs of the Langtangpas.

“This is a shaman from Kyanjin Village.  I took this photo during a pilgrim tour to Langshisa Jatra just a month before Janai Purnima, above the Langtang Valley.” — Lhakpa Jangba

“My grandmom at Chamki after 5 months of earthquake.  Trying to collect the remaining materials and memories.  She shouted, cried, and lastly breathed.  It was far beyond our thought to be alive during earthquake; luckily we survived and now I even cannot imagine how my dear one faced the death undr rocks and avalanche within a minute.  RIP. So sorry for them. RIP.” –Ngawang Dorjee

The second theme is “Langtang Before the Earthquake”; viewers of this piece of the exhibition are invited into the landscapes, the homes, and the lives of the Langtangpas prior to the earthquake.

Within this theme, we featured the bakery of a very special Langtangpa–Lhakpa Jangba.  Lhakpa’s bakery is no longer standing.  When Lhakpa shared these photos of his bakery, he wrote:

“Finally I start liking as Baker and love to be known as Baker of Dorje bakery. In 2011 I change German Bakery Cafe into Dorje Bakery which is my late father’s name.  Now it’s little famous in the town for quality products and great coffees of mountain. When I start liking my job and doing it well then there was nature who don’t like us. 25th April 2015 earthquake and avalanches destroyed everything which was going happily. I have not lose hope of rebuilding Dorje Bakery for everyone who love my place. When I look at my Guest book and read the comments by my lovely customers I get new energies for starting again. I just pray and hope to stand again one more time. Hope everyone will supports us and walk with us in this period of time.

Time change and hope it will change for us as well into new sunshine.
With Love
Lhakpa Tamang Jangba
Baker
Dorje Bakery”

Lhakpa’s words accompanying his beautiful photographs continue to inspire me each time I read them.

Following this theme is “Langtang After the Earthquake”, a theme that shows viewers the destruction of livelihoods, homes, and villages in the Langtang Valley.  This thematic collection gives voice to the Langtangpas who chose to tell the stories of devastation and loss.

Every member of Pasang’s immediate family was lost in the April 2015 earthquake.

The top two photographs from the picture above are by a Langtangpa named Gyal Po.  The photo on the left is of his home after the earthquake.  He writes:

“My heart collapsed with this house because it lives here. My parents spent decades building this house, but how easily it was destroyed in minutes. They have been dreaming to modify this house for a long time, but they left us without completing their dream. Now who could carry it out? I don’t feel I can. My heart will be hollow without their presence. “

Of the photo placed next to the one of Gyal Po’s destroyed family home, he writes:

“In this small courtyard, I used to play games with my brother and most of time I won as I am older in age, but I often cheated him. I visualized him in my eyes magnificently that he is still alive at the moment when I recalled my times being with him. I can’t believe he is no more with me, but no one can change the truth. Tears falling down constantly from eyes, at that moment I became so somber which will take me to unknown zone.”

Gyal Po’s images and words are so powerful shedding light on the importance of this exhibition, the importance of the Langtangpa stories being told.

The next theme represented in the exhibition is “Life in Kathmandu”–a theme representing the displacement of Langtangpas following the earthquake.  While many Langtangpa youth have spent much time in Kathmandu prior to the earthquake for education, many villagers have never left the Langtang Valley.  Displacement in Kathmandu was difficult on many levels for these people.

Nawang Lama captured the bottom photo in the immediate aftermath of the earthquake when displaced Langtangpas resided in a makeshift camp set up at the Yellow Gumba in Swayambhu.  Many Langtangpas refer to this monastery as their ‘second home’; in the words of Lhakpa Jangba, “First couple of week after eathquake it was our home to take shelter with other forty more people together in this small temporary triple tent.  When have nothing, then this is more luxurious than five star hotel.”

The photo above Nawang’s was taken by Chhime Tamang.  While the Langtangpas have been displaced in Kathmandu, they have been faced with the larger hardships of fuel and other shortages that Nepal has been experiencing this winter.  He writes:

“The busses are extra crowded during the fuel crisis.  This picture was taken in Chahabil Chowk in Kathmandu City.  A fuel shortage in Nepal has hit public transportation hard, leading to fewer vehicles in service.  As a result, those that are running are more likely to carry more riders than they should.  Therefore, riders are forced to travel like this, bearing the risk of their own.  As a result, it leads to accident.” 

Chhime has become very interested in photography in these last couple of months.  He has learned the art of capturing a story through his camera lens.

The fifth theme of the exhibition is called “Langtang Culture and Traditions”, providing insight into the unique culture of the Langtangpas.

When curating this material, I learned so much about what is important to the Langtangpas, about their origins, and about their daily lives.  It is a piece of the story that many Langtangpas fear will be lost due to the devastation that the earthquake caused to the community, allowing viewers to understand the importance of this exhibition.

“Getting blessed by elders in the community is the biggest thing in our society.  Langtangas always stay in queue for getting blessed.” -Lhakpa Jangba

“This is Tashi’s one remaining daughter.  Tashi lost many family in the landslide, including his wife and other immediate family.” –caption by Brigid McAuliffe/ Photo by Tashi Tsering

The exhibition culminates in a final theme called “Langtang Rising”, where the collective spirit of heartbreak, hope, and continuing after devastation is captured.

In this piece of the exhibition, photographs and stories of rebuilding and of remembering are shared.

The photo on the left above was taken by a young Langtangpa named Jangbu.  He writes, “July 2015.  Baby Langtangpa at the Yellow Gumba.  He is happy and free now, but someday he will know what happened to Langtang too.”  Jangbu lost his mother in the earthquake; his words represent the sadness that still envelopes the Langtangpa community as they continue to work together to move on after disaster.

“Situations and conditions being created to force you to travel here and there in search of life.  She is Yanki (my aunt) waiting for bus to return back to Langtang.” –Ngawang Dorjee

The Langtangpas are rising together, in spite of heartbreak, in spite of devastating experiences.  It is this community that continues to inspire me here in Nepal.  The last location of the exhibition, at the Taragaon Museum, serves as the platform for the collective story to be told. It is not my story to tell; I serve merely as the facilitator, the means for a story to be heard–a position I am grateful to hold.

[Above photos taken by Austin Lord.]

I have shared with all of you only pieces of the exhibition.  I would like to share the complete collection with you as well.  It can be found following this link to an album I created on Facebook: “Langtang Rising” Collection .  I invite all of you to explore these photos and learn more about the Langtangpa story.

In addition to working on this photo exhibition–a continuation of a project that started with the organization Picture Me Here–I have had the opportunity to be involved with the larger Langtang Memory Project.  A project concerned with creating a digital archive and physical memory center dedicated to preserving the Langtangpa culture and creating another platform for Langtangpas to tell their own stories.  I am grateful to be working with the other members of the LMP team, learning from them, and giving a voice to the Langtangpas in the wake of the April 2015 earthquake.  The digital archive for this project can be found here.

During my time here in Nepal, I have learned so much about the Langtangpas; I have viewed so many photographs and listened to so many stories; however, I have not yet traveled to this part of the country.  I am excited to tell all of you that I will finally get to see the Langtang Valley next week with some of the other members of the Langtang Memory Project.  I have set up a personal fundraising campaign that will end a few days before I begin my trek to Langtang.  This fundraiser, called the “Langtang Rising” Fund, is a means for me to extend a personal token of gratitude to the Langtangpas for all of the wisdom and love they have shared with me during my time with them.

Thank you to everyone reading this post, viewing the photographs and stories of the Langtangpa community.  I hope to continue to serve as a means for their stories to be heard.  All of you–those on the receiving end of these stories–play such an important role in the story-telling process.  Along with me, you are the listeners; the people who validate the stories being told.

Until next time,

Jennifer